cindy cindy cindy...............

Dear Grandma has passed away last Tuesday night at 9.20pm. The news of her being critical came one night before though she was subsequently transfered to normal ward. The news came suddenly at 5pm that she is in great danger and may not make it. We rushed to JB hospital and she was already at her last moments... It was the first time i saw uncle albert in tears... uncontrollable... I was very shattered.. the pain din hit mi immediately... all i managed to do was to hold her hands and say our last goodbyes... she din wake up.. i am not sure if she heard me or even noe that i was there.. it was a terrible moment... the next few days went by without  realising... we drove back to muar for a traditional funneral. Everyone has a role to play and has to follow strictly by the rules.. everyting flowed like a routine.. Grandma was 91 years old.. with 70 over children, grandchildren and great grandchildren.. it was like a mass family gathering... everyone was chit chatting and seems to be having fun more than pain... I supposed that shd be e right way since in a way she was relieved frm all e pain n sufferings and she was blessed with so many descendents... i missed grandma badly and i can hardly bear to recall the past coz i knew i cant control... i tried nt to look at her during the last few moments before the burial.. it was too hurting to even look... sth is gone and will nv come back... i feel sinful even to laugh or joke... I wish childhood will nv pass.... i wish everything can juz go back to 20 years ago and we all stay in muar... i wish i wish and i missed... I am really sorry for missing the last few sessions with her...

外婆想我一阵风，我想外婆在梦中。。。

黎明清晨日日来
临行总是多感慨
若是政客还不赖
薪高情挚最可爱
除去真正友情外
样样不缺没期待

When is the time of the year
Which florists and lovers hold dear
Where roses easily cause tears
When busy men generally fear
It is happy Valentines' day
... The time when men juz pay
Where singles go out and play
While couples remain where the heart stays

Blogging used to be one of the most popular social media platform.. for friends to know what is happening.. to identify the nice eating places.. to share information and stuff... however, when facebook came into the scene, everything changes... why is that so? izzit becoz of the efficiency? But updating the blog is as fast as updating facebook status... perhaps not all e functions can be fulfilled but many of my frens have since stopping blogging altgt..

Mi has always been the lazy one who forgets to blog.. no time to blog or no mood to blog... now tt everyone else stops blogging, i feel e need to continue it... to keep my life in record... to rem what has happen... to record the emotions in mi... to make mi feel alive..

many things happened... i went through major changes... wedding, marriage, turmoil of relationships, something has changed and nv will be the same... someone has appeared and will no longer disappear... impt ppl come and unimpt ones leave........ i believe more will come... n facebook is nv gg to be sufficient to record all these major things in life..

to be continue.......

心情不好
老是烦恼
怎样才好
真是难搞

iamsadovermysistersproblembutthereisnooneicantalktoortell.iwishthingswillgetbetterbutitseemstoonlygtworse

Live life in a way like there is no tomorrow
Do not take chance and regret in sorrow
Love is not something tt can be owned or borrowed
Only oneself can truly understand the pain in the marrow

has been so long since i blogged... juz wish to share my recent feelings turmoil...  all found among e poems....

生命诚可贵
爱情价更高
若为自由故
两者皆可抛   

人生难得一知己
相知相惜不容易
情谊珍贵要珍惜
不论何时或何地
即使不能在一起
心中有我已足矣

心中一把尺
衡量天下事
道尽世间痴
放下算得失

窗外，细雨纷飞
想念，感觉很累
天色，渐渐变黑
怀念，过去的美

黄红蓝白绿
到底在哪里
每次要找你
总是没踪影
难道是我没运气
还是老天和我过不去？

I miss the days
When life was in pace
Where there is less race
N e heart stays

心里有扇门
不知住何人
只想关上门
静待对的人

情若已逝，望能好聚好散
相爱一场，何必那么难看
美好良缘，何时才得一段
不懂珍惜，只好一人一半

My memories of you, so clear and vivid
The times we spent tgt, so nice and happy
As I look at your wrinkles,
My tears start to trickle
My heart can't stop thinking
The times that I've been missing.

仿佛就在不遠處
我倆曾經常接觸
突然你變了腳步
而我仍在燈火闌珊處

心中有话无需讲
知心的人辨真假
心中翻腾如海浪
望你自来为我想

In life there r decisions to make
Sometimes it's a piece of cake
Others it may cause earthquake
At night it keeps me awake
As if I'm in a twirling lake.

心之向往，知我者
念念不忘，谅我者
心中所系，是何者
长留心底，惜我者

刘家有女初长成
慧质兰心很迷人
怡然自得不爱争
诗情画意感情深
词来曲往看缘分
曲终人散保童真

生活总有不如意
实在不好直叹气
日子总算过得去
我不能酱就放弃
大家一起来打气
明天继续再努力！

 

Old men made e day tough fight
Someone tries to make it right
All of us just hold tight tight
Conquering with all our might
Hoping for a riding knight
... Save the day and shed some light
I seem more like a gd playwright
Trying to turn day into night

 

心里有话坦白讲
心情豁然就开朗
丢掉包袱坦荡荡
眼前突然很宽广

 

I juz can't stop crying
The moment I start thinking
The face that I'm seeing
No longer recognizing
I haf to keep repeating
... To keep her mind stay working
So tt she won't remain slping
N leave mi for life missing

仿佛许久不见
你我不再相恋
距离那么明显
你却视而不见
究竟是我误会
还是米已成炊
所以不再珍贵

人生世事无常
生命不会很长
烦事当作吃糖
绝对不会变胖

日子开始很难过
运气衰得象黑墨
到底哪里出了错
老天要我怎么做？

3 mths ago I was still working in tampines... walking the ultra long way to take bus and long way in the hot sun to office.. everyday i dun wear heels, dun wear makeup, after pge programme started i totally gave up on dress n skirts as well (due to the big backpack n laptop) becoz usu by e time i reach office i will be perspiring from e long walk.. n look n feel ultra tired... e bus journey to office is only 15mins... but i take 40 mins to reach tampines office everyday.. so i walk 25mins every morning.. n i dread e journey... but i love my frens n colleagues thr... though ever since mr teo started e so-gd-to-be-true pge we seldom get to see one another.. except one or 2 person each time i go back.. i truly missed e nt so freq lunch sessions, e long bitching n complaining, e chit chatting, e closeness, e help n kindness, e familiarity.... sth tt i nv get n prob will nt get in where i am nw.. nt becoz of e ppl so much, but becoz im juz too lazy to get close again.. e process of knowing n clicking n mixing takes time n lots of efforts...

tdy i everyday still spend abt 40mins to hit office, but stimes i gets a free ride frm mr not-too-kind gan ck, n i only need to walk to e rdabt n to the lift frm office.. hahaha... even if i travel on my own (most of e times) i only need to walk to e lrt station, den walk frm mrt to lift lobby.. all less than 5 mins n no hot scorching sun!!! i no longer perspire on e way n i can finally wear e long forgotten heels n dresses hidden in one corner of my rm... though some of them haf alr started peeling or shrunk (nt tt i expand).. n i manage to clear my wardrobe n shoe shelf thanks to the change.. my new workstation is big n comfy.. cozy n belong to mi... no more worry tt one day it will be dismantled,, no need to carry laptop n adaptor n mouse everywhere everyday... finally my backpack is taking a break, so is my back... lesser massage needed... can take officially off days and leaves... less flexible hrs but easier job... lesser time spent on work.. more balanced life... better slp n lesser stress.. all in all it is a gd change... my jobscope changed as well... nw im doing wat everyone else thinks im gd at.... chit chatting n crapping w uncles n aunties....hahaha.. network w GRLs... well... it is nt difficult... juz tt thr r alot of pp work n admin stuff to be done in e process as well.. nw im always in office... no more site recces, out of office meetings n lesser brain cracking work... hope tt my brain dun rust... =p

many major changes haf happened for e past few mths.. change of job, change of lifestyle, engagement, balloting for hse, more ppl getting married... 2 of my best frens got married within 2 mths!! haha.. such happy occasions... nw i am so looking forward to a gd break n holiday in aug n sep... start planning nw!!!! where to go???

1－我曾经和自己说，我每一年都要去一个我没有去过的地方游玩。。其实超容易达成，因为我根本没去过多少地方。。今年，我决定改成我每一年都要去一个我没有去过而且要搭飞机去的地方游玩。。厌倦等待，只好自己动手。。背包旅行？？

2－我想要搬出来自己住。。。过属于自己的人生。。

3－买一辆车，到处跑跑。。到多晚都行！

4－本来心里一直希望今年可以完成一个多年的心愿，不过现在的情况，好像不太可能。。可是，在蹉跎下去，我都老了，是心态上。。

5－拥有真正的钻石。。

6－找到一个能真正抵达我心低的，有默契的，不需要我说太多，能了解我，体贴我，谅解我，对我少点要求，多点关心，多点惊喜，愿意花心思了解我想要，愿意帮我达成我想要，对我不会因时间而改变的人。。

太多想要，太多因素，太多渴望。。。太难达成，太少时间，太懒的心，太累的我。。

最近我刚看完言帅最新的偶像剧《就想赖着你》，好久没有这种感觉了。。看完后又一股很强烈的失落感。。到最后几集的时候我几乎不敢继续看下去。。即使我很想看完。。但是很害怕看完后会很失落。。 但是我向来不爱看台湾的这种戏。。因为通常很夸张。。。但是言承旭正好是我很多年前第一部偶像剧的男主角，而且也是第一部让我有这种失落感的戏。。所以我就下载来看了。。也许是巧合吧，他之前演的戏我反而没看。。这部却把我给迷住了。。我仔细想了想，终于明白了。。

这两部让我着迷的偶像剧，除了都是他的戏，刚好剧情也是类似的。。都是麻雀变凤凰的故事。。都有happy ending!我发现，根本是因为它们触碰到我心底深处最单纯，最不为人知的那一面。。潜意识里，我就是向往这种很梦幻的情节能够发生在我身上。。但是，现实生活中当然不可能有这么美好的爱情。。我多么希望能有一个长的帅又有钱又多情的男生爱上去我。。哈哈。。所以这两部偶像剧刚好就把我幻想的爱情表现出来。。让我感动又难过。。还好是快乐的结局。。

我现在都还不能回到正常的情绪。。只好当作是在迷偶像。。哈哈。。好想快点度过这种怪怪的情绪期。。